I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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