I bet he comes in French.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
