not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
