My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
