My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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