booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
