I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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