Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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