new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
