Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
