ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
