i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
