i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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