so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize