i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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