She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
