i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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