Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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