You're my little dorito
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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