Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
