Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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