So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
