Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize