i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
