At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
