I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
