why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
