I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
