When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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