dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
