i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
