Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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