I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
