dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In other news, I just burned my penis
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drake has all the answers
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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