They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
