You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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