Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
