I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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