my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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