Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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