You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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