oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
