I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
