I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
