God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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