I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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