I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
