i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your cock deserves a montage
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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