I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
