I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
