We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize