u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
