You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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