did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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