Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
