I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
