just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize