we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
