Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
