you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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