I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
