I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize