my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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